Welcome to the revamped blog. I’m still in the process of choosing the themes and I thought the best way would be to give some a try and see how they grow on me. If you have a few moments, leave me a note in the comments about this layout. Does it work for you as a reader or is it distracting? Any feedback is welcome. I promise to take it into consideration when I make my final decision. Now on to today’s post.
The quote in the meme pretty much sums up my writing world right now. Going about my every day life, traveling for my day job, and squeezing in writing during any free moment, I’ve found myself coming up with all sorts of ideas for new projects and avoiding finishing Dangerous Medicine. My husband asked me over and over again if I had the book to the editor yet and after months of avoiding it I had to finally admit to myself what was going on.
I’m afraid of finishing it, letting it go out to the world and then…nothing. I’m afraid of it sitting out there in the vast over abundance of books available to readers now and never getting noticed by anyone. I’ve had this story in various stages since 1999. You would think I’d want to have it done and over with by now, but I’ve held it close to the chest and locked away for so long I’m frightened by the void it will leave when it’s published. Will the other stories under all of my pen names dry up? This is the one that’s not erotic romance or erotica. It’s more mainstream romantic suspense with just a touch of steamy to the love scenes. What if I can’t pull this off without the shock value of the explicit erotica?
I created all of the pen names because I wanted to be able to write whatever popped in my head and not be restricted to a specific genre or category. My “voice” is the same throughout each tale but the subject matter and the characters lend me different freedoms to express that voice. How I write as Tawny with the Monsterotica is much different than I write as Stephanie. Writing menage and gay erotica/erotic romance as Lia is a whole other ball of wax. As Tammy I get to explore the lesbian erotic fiction and poetry as well as M/F or straight erotic romance. I don’t set out with a specific heat level in mind, but the characters speak up and I write down what they tell me to write. Seems simple really, but when they don’t fill you in on the whole story from the beginning to the end, it makes it hard to keep up the momentum. In the downtime from one story, another character chimes in. Heck, they’ll chime in when you are on a roll with another book and try to distract you from everything and everyone else in your life. When that happens to me, I feel so overwhelmed…
and I crash.
I end up jumping around between projects and adding notebooks on one of my phone apps with ideas for new stories. Then I look at the list of the books I wanted to have out before the end of this year and I cry. I’ll never get them done and I feel like a failure. Then I read a wonderful blog post by an author friend Liz Crowe and I cried again. Not because I was sad, but because I didn’t feel so alone anymore. She put into words what my heart and mind has been feeling all along. I’m a self published/Indie author. I don’t have to put so much pressure on myself to put out all these books in a short amount of time. I can relax and create the best story I can create, and work with my editor Amber Lea Easton to take it to the next level. When my next one goes out to the world, I’ll know it’s the best I can give.
That’s all I can do.
And it’s enough!
Until next time,
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